The beauty of solitude and rest

I've been back at my Columbus home for about 2.5 days now.  I might be tempted to say, "I haven't done anything."  But, what I have done is so important.  I haven't left the house and gone out to do stuff, hang out with a bunch of people, go to movies, out to eat, and the things I did before having Adah, but I have been able to experience some silence and solitude like never before.  

Having time to ourselves is something that our spirits crave, but somehow seems so elusive sometimes.  It has not been easy to put aside my desire to turn on the TV, to take a drive in the car, to walk to a store, to spend hours on Facebook or the internet.  I have been trying to use this time while Linn is on his road trip home and Adah needs me exclusively to just rest.  This is something that is hard for me to do, but I have been enjoying it.  It feels strange to think that I have been at home all day today and all day yesterday, living life simply.  Taking care of Adah, eating, napping.  It has been beautiful really.  It feels amazing to embrace the opportunities that life affords us.  Rather than wishing that something else were going on, or that I had more activities to do, I have been attempting as much as possible to abide in the love of my Savior while extending that love to my precious daughter.  

I know that these days will not always be with me.  I know that the next breath that I will breathe is not promised to me.  So I am thankful for each one that the Lord gives me and gives to my daughter, my husband, and all of the people that I love in my life.  I have experienced so much love, peace, and joy for a thousand lifetimes and my heart is in a continuous state of thanksgiving because of this joy and inner peace.  Sometimes I think to myself how amazing it is to feel at peace with yourself, with others, and with God.  This peace only comes through a relationship with Jesus Christ, I am convinced.  Through the Holy Spirit we are able to have constant communion and connection with the creator of the universe.  What does that even mean?  It is hard for me to fathom it!  That the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, wants to know me and have an intimate relationship with me...and with all of us.  I could spend an eternity pondering that concept.

It is not easy to abide in Christ.  It takes a constant effort and choice on my part.  I have to bend my will towards God.  There are so many distractions in life.  I have been trying to think about the things that I do in a day.  If the things that I do don't draw me closer to God, then why would I do them?  I am evaluating what it is that God gives us to do in life.  Learning, cleaning, working, singing, eating, playing, showering, creating, these are all things that God created.  I want to enjoy God in all of the activities of my life.  Whether it be through the laundry that I do, the bedroom that I remodel, the time walking around with Adah, visiting family, shopping at the mall, buying groceries, cooking dinner.  In all of the seemingly mundane activities, I want to see where I can find God in them.

You know how in the Bible it says that God sees the things that are done in secret?  I think that is one of the greatest joys that I have found in parenting so far.  That I can be alone with Adah, all day, tending to her needs, and I know that my heavenly Father sees me and approves.  Nobody else can experience our moments together.  It's just me and her.  I think that is one of the greatest difficulties in parenting as well.  It is hard to be alone without other adults around, talking to the baby all day.  I have been trying and striving though to find out what it is that God wants for me in these moments, and I think it is for me to find him in it all.  That I do all for Him and Him alone.  Whether it be winning a soul for Christ or changing a diaper.